I WILL NOT LET HIM WIN!
Accusation.It stops you in your tracks!Like a sharp knife being thrust into your stomach!That's how it feels!Yes.That's how it feels.The accuser. Satan's looking for that opportunity to...Attack. Defeat.Sidetrack...Accuse!That is exactly what he has been doing.I barely even recognized it for what it was until I found myself in a heap on the floor.
Almost defeated.Crying.Saying, "I quit".
I am not the one to lead a small group of women.I am not the one to hand out advice.
I am not the one.
I am not qualified.
I am a hypocrite.
I have not responded well to life's challenges lately.Withdraw into your home...into yourself
Quit.
I often feel guilty for FEELING.
For feeling sad about life's circumstances...when God is Sovereign.
For feeling angry at injustice...when God is in control.
For feeling lonely and longing for fellowship...when God has not provided it.
For feeling hesitant about the future...when I know that God has it all planned out.
For feeling overwhelmed and like I've had too much...when I know God says He won't give us more than we can handle.
For feeling, at times, like what I have is not enough...when God says He will withhold no good thing from me.
For feeling...Then comes guilt and accusations...While reviewing the book of Acts,and thinking about the disciples and what kind of men they were,some verses stood out to me.It was like they were placed on a billboard with neon lights!They said this:
Acts 4:8,13"Then Peter,filled with (and controlled by)the Holy Spirit...Now when they saw the boldnessand unfettered eloquenceof Peter and Johnand perceived that they wereUNLEARNED AND UNTRAINEDin the schools (common men with no education)they marveled;and theyRECOGNIZED THAT THEY HAD BEEN WITH JESUS."
The disciples were:Imperfect. Sinful.Simple. Untrained.
They doubted. They fought among themselves.They were prideful.One of them even denied Christ in His darkest hour!Was it right?No!But God used them anyway.He chose to fill them with His spirit and enabled them to speak with"boldness and unfettered eloquence"!He used them.As I wrestle with my feelings and then choose to offer them up to Him.
Repent...when necessary.Submit.YET...STILL FEEL
He chooses to fill me and use me.I am so grateful.What a mystery!
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DEAR Karen!
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm reading over your last few posts and it is resonating with me so deeply. In the last few months I have been in every place that you have described yourself from an emotional and spiritual perspective. And though I've taken the time to write it out myself, seeing it come from another's 'pen' brings comfort and a different encouragement. Thank you for sharing and getting it out. It is an encouragement to me as Shawn and I face our latest mountain.
I have determined to pray for you and your family on an ongoing basis. And I am excited to see what lies ahead.
It blesses me so deeply to cross paths with someone from years ago and see that they have chosen to continue walking ever closer with our Lord. Thank you for your perseverance. It's inspiring.
Be blessed today and may He give you just enough.