Abide

So, God is teaching me much about abiding in this storm.
Everyday when Jay comes home I greet him at the door with questioning eyes -did you lose your job today?? Any news???
It is a helpless existence.
For many at Nortel they have a two income family and while a layoff would be painful it would not devastate them as it would us. When we decided that I would stay home from teaching after Kai was born it was a decision that we made as a family and I made peace with my new role as a full time mom. Now, with a job layoff looming I find myself wanting to do what I do best- step in make things happen, take care, fix things.
When Jay and I were dating I wanted desperately to marry him but we simply had no money. So, I worked 3 jobs at Nursing homes doing things that most would not believe I would do because I had a mission to be married to the love of my life and I was going to make it happen!
Those jobs payed for a car for Jay to drive to college, tuition for him, a ring that he purposed with, and a wedding pulled off in three months.
What you say? You payed for your own engagement ring? yeppers! And it didn't make the outcome any less special.
Many thought I was crazy or pitied me to have to take on so much but I would not change a thing. In those times I learned how to work hard, love deeply, and appreciate everything. I believed in Jay and didn't mind supporting his schooling while putting mine on hold.Our hard work paid off and after his graduation he landed a great job at Nortel and has been the sole support of this family. ( minus my few years of teaching)
So when the news came of Nortel going under I wanted to dive in and get a job or find Jay another job that was more stable. For a few weeks my mind was full of possibilities and my pen and paper were never far from my side. But interestingly enough all my ideas have had a dead end- Surely I could out think this storm, I thought to myself. But over and over again all my efforts have failed. I don't like the feeling of being helpless- none of us do.
What is the lesson in this for me God??
Then I got my answer- ABIDE.
Trust in Me, Trust in your husband, and don't do anything but abide in Me.
Those who know me well know that taking the back seat is hard for me.

But, I have been working on it and you know what?
It feels good to simply ABIDE.