The Girl In The Mirror

I saw something in the mirror the other day and I didn't like it. It wasn't something I could slap cover-up on so I wouldn't have to see it. There is no cream, diet, or trip to the Spa fix for it. And unfortunately, there was no option of avoiding the mirror or getting dressed in the dark. That is because I was not the one holding a mirror to my face it was my husband. And, it was not an actual mirror but instead the girl I see in his eyes. Most days she is more beautiful than I can see with my own eyes, but sometimes...

When you say your " I Do's" people fail to mention that you now have someone to reflect back to you your authentic self. When you are single you have an idea of who you are, and are aware of your imperfections but know how to keep from having light shed on them.
" I now pronounce you man and wife"
Instantly you are blasted with those florescent lights they use in change rooms and you are naked and exposed in a full length mirror-gulp.

For years now whenever Jay and I have had a disagreement I have marveled at how fast he gets ferociously defensive. I shrugged it off as an insecurity from his past and made a mental note to put that item on the life changing prayers for my husband list ( come on you know the list!)

Then one day God stopped me in my tracks and said " Why does he feel the need to get so defensive Karen?? When do people do that?"
Hmm.
Me: When they are wrong??
God: No.
Me: When they are projecting past hurts on to others?
God: Keep trying,
Me: (sheepishly)-When they are feeling attacked Lord?
God: Bingo!
Me: But I'm not attacking him- I didn't even say anything.
God: How did you look at him?
Me: ( shrug) I dunno.
God: Look into his eyes and see your reflection-that is how you looked at him, that is how you made him feel. You can not argue his feelings. Look at your reflection in his eyes-look deeper.Look at our reflection Karen. I am in you. Is this the reflection of me?

Now I'm defensive.
I am not a controlling bitch! and I resent seeing that in his eyes. How dare he call me that with those peepers!
God: He is not calling you that-he never would. But he does feel attacked.

Time lapses.
Conviction sets in.
Reluctantly, I look.
I will tell you that looking is never easy. It is much easier to see what we want to see, or throw that compact out and get a new mirror ( A problem in our society and our marriages) We have bought the lie that marriage should always feel good and when it doesn't anymore we move on. Often marriage partners are not willing to be vulnerable with each other or put the work into the marriage and themselves to grow and thrive.

Yes looking can be painful. And willingness to change can be sacrificial.


I have also learned that some personalities are more willing to go excavating than others. For some the dig is too much work, too serious, and not at all fun. For others the dig is giving up control, And still others it is too depressing or scary what they may find.

For me, I am turned off by the amount of effort it will take to tackle the weeds. Uncomfortable with them being exposed and disgusted with what I find.

I need to be careful not to camp out too long on any of those stepping stones.
I need to not let myself feel defeated. Unworthy.
Instead I need to walk in the robes of righteousness that Jesus clothed me in (if not, what would be the point of his sacrifice) and get busy working with God to cultivate fruit in my life.



What about your personality? IS there something that may stop you from this journey down under?

Pray that God will give you what you need to not get stuck once you have tunneled down.





Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; 24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way."

Lord thank you for the gift of my Husband and my children who constantly reflect back to me what comes from within. Help me to always be willing to look, examine, and change. Help me to reflect you. I desperately want to see You in their eyes.
Shed light on me-even when it hurts.
Thank you for being patient with me when I try to hide.
Listening to me when I am finally willing to talk about my hiding games ( as though You didn't already know)
Thank You for the mirror Your word is to me-thank You for telling me when I have food in my teeth or dirt on my face.
Give me courage to dig deep
Strength to pull the weeds
Patience to grow.
Do in me what I cannot do on my own.
Amen.