Correction
Today Kai needed a correction for something that he has been talked to about many, many times.
That is not blog worthy.
What is however, was his reaction to the correction.
With tears in his eyes he said " Mom thank you for giving me a correction to help me become a better boy."
I was stunned.
Can it be that he really grasps that?
I know I still have a hard time thanking God for any correction placed on me at 32!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Imposter
My house has all the normal things, living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, office. There's nothing fancy, no extreme bells and whistles. There's four people who live here and often times there is my Impostor walking right next to me.She will follow me from room to room doing many a mischievous thing: a critique, a nag, a reminder of what I don't have or what I think I need, a jab, an applause, a telling of an old story of what I used to do. She's not my friend. She's my Impostor, but I live with her and she with me.
We cannot be separated...or can we?
I wonder, do you ever struggle with the voice of yourself? Do you ever find that you want more than you have? Do you ever struggle with wondering why you're not noticed? Do you find that you crave the applause of those around you even if it's just a small golf clap? Do you struggle with feeling significant? Beautiful? Pleasing? Pure?I do. I have.And so, what do we do with all these things? Are they supposed to be of people who claim to follow Christ? On the one hand, I am to be pure and humble, self-sacrificing and meek, and yet I want to scream "NOTICE ME!", but not too loudly because we don't want to be First when the First with be Last.Aren't we to be holy as God is holy? What happens if I think really poorly of someone or consider that that other man might be better than mine? What if I really like her house or her figure?
Bad me.
Bad, bad me.
I'm a Christ follower! I'm not supposed to think all this! Feel all this! Shame. Shame on me.And so the chastisement goes. Your thoughts might be different. Your chastisement of who you should be might be a whole other set of lines. What are they? Can you identify them? Do you even know you're doing it?How do you live with the other "Me" in your life? Do we all struggle with "But I died in Christ...why do I still feel like this?"
If so, then I have someone I'd like you to meet. She's my Impostor, she...is me.Like it or not (and we clearly don't like it) we are who we so hate being. Our Impostor IS us. My Impostor IS me, but we have
...taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator...Christ is all and is in all.
Col. 2:9, 10It's time to do something about, and with, and for our Impostor. The enemy has lied to us long enough that we are either not worthy of the blood and forgiveness, or we would be desperately better off with the ways of the world.
It's time to get REAL.
R-Recognize that you have "Me" to live with. Just be strong enough to say, Yes, this is me.
E- Examine what things, ways, attitude and lies are set up against the Truth.
A- Accept that, yes, this is me. This, Lord, is me.
L- Love yourself enough and trust Christ enough to be transformed. He did not free us so that we would walk ourselves into more bondage.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
Man, this is hard for me. I have such an appetite for applause and such a fear of being over-looked that I forget that my full identity, peace, and satisfaction is found in Christ! He set me free from what would hold me captive to this world and I chose to burden myself with it!
Oh, people, we have got to get REAL.
If we aren't, then we are fooling only ourselves.
He knows the struggles.
He knows the lies.
He sees the hypocrisy.
He hears the foolishness.
He feels the pain.
He understands the doubt.
But, He cannot transform what we do not bring to His feet. He cannot heal what we do not let Him touch. He cannot free us from what we hold so dear. Think about what is in the deepest places of who you are and then...tell Him. Get real with Him. Lay it all out there. He is your best friend, your greatest lover, your biggest fan, your softest teacher, your Most Honorable King. Tell Him. He is not surprised and welcomes your honesty.Whatever is denied cannot be healed. Do not deny yourself the opportunity of complete healing, freedom and finding the Real You. Watch as your Impostor bows to the King and His authority.Watch as You find yourself in Him and He in You.
A post that I wanted to share from a friend.
We cannot be separated...or can we?
I wonder, do you ever struggle with the voice of yourself? Do you ever find that you want more than you have? Do you ever struggle with wondering why you're not noticed? Do you find that you crave the applause of those around you even if it's just a small golf clap? Do you struggle with feeling significant? Beautiful? Pleasing? Pure?I do. I have.And so, what do we do with all these things? Are they supposed to be of people who claim to follow Christ? On the one hand, I am to be pure and humble, self-sacrificing and meek, and yet I want to scream "NOTICE ME!", but not too loudly because we don't want to be First when the First with be Last.Aren't we to be holy as God is holy? What happens if I think really poorly of someone or consider that that other man might be better than mine? What if I really like her house or her figure?
Bad me.
Bad, bad me.
I'm a Christ follower! I'm not supposed to think all this! Feel all this! Shame. Shame on me.And so the chastisement goes. Your thoughts might be different. Your chastisement of who you should be might be a whole other set of lines. What are they? Can you identify them? Do you even know you're doing it?How do you live with the other "Me" in your life? Do we all struggle with "But I died in Christ...why do I still feel like this?"
If so, then I have someone I'd like you to meet. She's my Impostor, she...is me.Like it or not (and we clearly don't like it) we are who we so hate being. Our Impostor IS us. My Impostor IS me, but we have
...taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator...Christ is all and is in all.
Col. 2:9, 10It's time to do something about, and with, and for our Impostor. The enemy has lied to us long enough that we are either not worthy of the blood and forgiveness, or we would be desperately better off with the ways of the world.
It's time to get REAL.
R-Recognize that you have "Me" to live with. Just be strong enough to say, Yes, this is me.
E- Examine what things, ways, attitude and lies are set up against the Truth.
A- Accept that, yes, this is me. This, Lord, is me.
L- Love yourself enough and trust Christ enough to be transformed. He did not free us so that we would walk ourselves into more bondage.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
Man, this is hard for me. I have such an appetite for applause and such a fear of being over-looked that I forget that my full identity, peace, and satisfaction is found in Christ! He set me free from what would hold me captive to this world and I chose to burden myself with it!
Oh, people, we have got to get REAL.
If we aren't, then we are fooling only ourselves.
He knows the struggles.
He knows the lies.
He sees the hypocrisy.
He hears the foolishness.
He feels the pain.
He understands the doubt.
But, He cannot transform what we do not bring to His feet. He cannot heal what we do not let Him touch. He cannot free us from what we hold so dear. Think about what is in the deepest places of who you are and then...tell Him. Get real with Him. Lay it all out there. He is your best friend, your greatest lover, your biggest fan, your softest teacher, your Most Honorable King. Tell Him. He is not surprised and welcomes your honesty.Whatever is denied cannot be healed. Do not deny yourself the opportunity of complete healing, freedom and finding the Real You. Watch as your Impostor bows to the King and His authority.Watch as You find yourself in Him and He in You.
A post that I wanted to share from a friend.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
1+1=...
5,000 job cuts announced for Nortel.
Belleville has 300 employees.
Shipping was told to order 300 boxes today.
You get two hours to clean out your desk with a box.
I was never great at math but 300-300=0 right??
I'm guessing that the Belleville plant will be shut down.
So, With all that knews today I am trying to pray and not worry.
There isn't much point in praying only to open my eyes and pick up from where I left off worrying.
Belleville has 300 employees.
Shipping was told to order 300 boxes today.
You get two hours to clean out your desk with a box.
I was never great at math but 300-300=0 right??
I'm guessing that the Belleville plant will be shut down.
So, With all that knews today I am trying to pray and not worry.
There isn't much point in praying only to open my eyes and pick up from where I left off worrying.
Friday, February 20, 2009
A Strong Woman
A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ...but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...
A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...
A strong woman walks sure footedly ...but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...but a woman of strength wears grace...
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...
A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...
A strong woman walks sure footedly ...but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...but a woman of strength wears grace...
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
The Girl In The Mirror
I saw something in the mirror the other day and I didn't like it. It wasn't something I could slap cover-up on so I wouldn't have to see it. There is no cream, diet, or trip to the Spa fix for it. And unfortunately, there was no option of avoiding the mirror or getting dressed in the dark. That is because I was not the one holding a mirror to my face it was my husband. And, it was not an actual mirror but instead the girl I see in his eyes. Most days she is more beautiful than I can see with my own eyes, but sometimes...
When you say your " I Do's" people fail to mention that you now have someone to reflect back to you your authentic self. When you are single you have an idea of who you are, and are aware of your imperfections but know how to keep from having light shed on them.
" I now pronounce you man and wife"
Instantly you are blasted with those florescent lights they use in change rooms and you are naked and exposed in a full length mirror-gulp.
For years now whenever Jay and I have had a disagreement I have marveled at how fast he gets ferociously defensive. I shrugged it off as an insecurity from his past and made a mental note to put that item on the life changing prayers for my husband list ( come on you know the list!)
Then one day God stopped me in my tracks and said " Why does he feel the need to get so defensive Karen?? When do people do that?"
Hmm.
Me: When they are wrong??
God: No.
Me: When they are projecting past hurts on to others?
God: Keep trying,
Me: (sheepishly)-When they are feeling attacked Lord?
God: Bingo!
Me: But I'm not attacking him- I didn't even say anything.
God: How did you look at him?
Me: ( shrug) I dunno.
God: Look into his eyes and see your reflection-that is how you looked at him, that is how you made him feel. You can not argue his feelings. Look at your reflection in his eyes-look deeper.Look at our reflection Karen. I am in you. Is this the reflection of me?
Now I'm defensive.
I am not a controlling bitch! and I resent seeing that in his eyes. How dare he call me that with those peepers!
God: He is not calling you that-he never would. But he does feel attacked.
Time lapses.
Conviction sets in.
Reluctantly, I look.
I will tell you that looking is never easy. It is much easier to see what we want to see, or throw that compact out and get a new mirror ( A problem in our society and our marriages) We have bought the lie that marriage should always feel good and when it doesn't anymore we move on. Often marriage partners are not willing to be vulnerable with each other or put the work into the marriage and themselves to grow and thrive.
Yes looking can be painful. And willingness to change can be sacrificial.
I have also learned that some personalities are more willing to go excavating than others. For some the dig is too much work, too serious, and not at all fun. For others the dig is giving up control, And still others it is too depressing or scary what they may find.
For me, I am turned off by the amount of effort it will take to tackle the weeds. Uncomfortable with them being exposed and disgusted with what I find.
I need to be careful not to camp out too long on any of those stepping stones.
I need to not let myself feel defeated. Unworthy.
Instead I need to walk in the robes of righteousness that Jesus clothed me in (if not, what would be the point of his sacrifice) and get busy working with God to cultivate fruit in my life.
What about your personality? IS there something that may stop you from this journey down under?
Pray that God will give you what you need to not get stuck once you have tunneled down.
Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; 24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way."
Lord thank you for the gift of my Husband and my children who constantly reflect back to me what comes from within. Help me to always be willing to look, examine, and change. Help me to reflect you. I desperately want to see You in their eyes.
Shed light on me-even when it hurts.
Thank you for being patient with me when I try to hide.
Listening to me when I am finally willing to talk about my hiding games ( as though You didn't already know)
Thank You for the mirror Your word is to me-thank You for telling me when I have food in my teeth or dirt on my face.
Give me courage to dig deep
Strength to pull the weeds
Patience to grow.
Do in me what I cannot do on my own.
Amen.
When you say your " I Do's" people fail to mention that you now have someone to reflect back to you your authentic self. When you are single you have an idea of who you are, and are aware of your imperfections but know how to keep from having light shed on them.
" I now pronounce you man and wife"
Instantly you are blasted with those florescent lights they use in change rooms and you are naked and exposed in a full length mirror-gulp.
For years now whenever Jay and I have had a disagreement I have marveled at how fast he gets ferociously defensive. I shrugged it off as an insecurity from his past and made a mental note to put that item on the life changing prayers for my husband list ( come on you know the list!)
Then one day God stopped me in my tracks and said " Why does he feel the need to get so defensive Karen?? When do people do that?"
Hmm.
Me: When they are wrong??
God: No.
Me: When they are projecting past hurts on to others?
God: Keep trying,
Me: (sheepishly)-When they are feeling attacked Lord?
God: Bingo!
Me: But I'm not attacking him- I didn't even say anything.
God: How did you look at him?
Me: ( shrug) I dunno.
God: Look into his eyes and see your reflection-that is how you looked at him, that is how you made him feel. You can not argue his feelings. Look at your reflection in his eyes-look deeper.Look at our reflection Karen. I am in you. Is this the reflection of me?
Now I'm defensive.
I am not a controlling bitch! and I resent seeing that in his eyes. How dare he call me that with those peepers!
God: He is not calling you that-he never would. But he does feel attacked.
Time lapses.
Conviction sets in.
Reluctantly, I look.
I will tell you that looking is never easy. It is much easier to see what we want to see, or throw that compact out and get a new mirror ( A problem in our society and our marriages) We have bought the lie that marriage should always feel good and when it doesn't anymore we move on. Often marriage partners are not willing to be vulnerable with each other or put the work into the marriage and themselves to grow and thrive.
Yes looking can be painful. And willingness to change can be sacrificial.
I have also learned that some personalities are more willing to go excavating than others. For some the dig is too much work, too serious, and not at all fun. For others the dig is giving up control, And still others it is too depressing or scary what they may find.
For me, I am turned off by the amount of effort it will take to tackle the weeds. Uncomfortable with them being exposed and disgusted with what I find.
I need to be careful not to camp out too long on any of those stepping stones.
I need to not let myself feel defeated. Unworthy.
Instead I need to walk in the robes of righteousness that Jesus clothed me in (if not, what would be the point of his sacrifice) and get busy working with God to cultivate fruit in my life.
What about your personality? IS there something that may stop you from this journey down under?
Pray that God will give you what you need to not get stuck once you have tunneled down.
Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; 24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way."
Lord thank you for the gift of my Husband and my children who constantly reflect back to me what comes from within. Help me to always be willing to look, examine, and change. Help me to reflect you. I desperately want to see You in their eyes.
Shed light on me-even when it hurts.
Thank you for being patient with me when I try to hide.
Listening to me when I am finally willing to talk about my hiding games ( as though You didn't already know)
Thank You for the mirror Your word is to me-thank You for telling me when I have food in my teeth or dirt on my face.
Give me courage to dig deep
Strength to pull the weeds
Patience to grow.
Do in me what I cannot do on my own.
Amen.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
For My Friend
Lord, give me the words she needs to hear. The ones that we both know I don't have on my own.
Lord, make my heart tender to her pain even though I can't relate.
Lord, how long must this go on?
Lord, I'm tired of having to comfort her instead of rejoice with her. Not because I mind giving encouragement but because Lord, she needs something to rejoice about.
Lord, Why?
Lord, She needs more- I'm believing in You for more.
Lord, She deserves so much. She gives so much.
Lord bless her- give her the desires of her heart. She needs a gift from you father, a sign that you adore her.
This is my prayer for my friend.
Lord, make my heart tender to her pain even though I can't relate.
Lord, how long must this go on?
Lord, I'm tired of having to comfort her instead of rejoice with her. Not because I mind giving encouragement but because Lord, she needs something to rejoice about.
Lord, Why?
Lord, She needs more- I'm believing in You for more.
Lord, She deserves so much. She gives so much.
Lord bless her- give her the desires of her heart. She needs a gift from you father, a sign that you adore her.
This is my prayer for my friend.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
A Time For Everything
Ecclesiastes 3:1 " There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."
I have been dreaming a lot lately about what I want to do or should I say, what I am suppose to do with my life. This comes on the tail of fulfilling my dream of becoming a parent to two wonderful children. It is funny when you have achieved a goal you have been working/obsessing about for years and then have to ask yourself " So what next?" I had tunnel vision when trying to get pregnant ( a long story) so it is strange to now be on the other side.
I am very content with motherhood but I am a planner so I can't help but look ahead and wonder what will be...And what should I be doing now to make later happen.
I believe it is healthy to dream and ask yourself what is it that you love to do.
So I have been asking
What would make me bound of of bed to tackle?
What would I love to wake up and take another stab at the next day?
What would make me feel like I'm operating in my life purpose?
What are my gifts?
What are my pure motives for fulfilling my ministry?
And my selfish ones?
And what now??
It doesn't mean that that you won't ever start that business, go back to school, take that trip, gut a century home, be on stage, find love, have children, go on that mission- there is a time for those things and that time quite simply is not right now. We can't do it all without shortchanging something, or someone. I definitely don't want my family to feel like they have received my leftovers at the end of the day. Nor do I want to half ass something else I am passionate about.
I am not okay with doing everything but operating at 60%. I don't think God wants us to showcase the gifts He has blessed us with in that way.
SO I will dream.
I will open myself up to opportunities for growth.
I will pray for wisdom.
I will flirt with my passions.
I will continue to ask the tough questions.
And when my time comes , I will be ready.
What season are you in?? Are you embracing it?
" You probably can have it all, just not at the same time. And.. You might have to make certain compromises when your children are small. But your children are going to be small for a very short period of time" Anna Quindlen
I have been dreaming a lot lately about what I want to do or should I say, what I am suppose to do with my life. This comes on the tail of fulfilling my dream of becoming a parent to two wonderful children. It is funny when you have achieved a goal you have been working/obsessing about for years and then have to ask yourself " So what next?" I had tunnel vision when trying to get pregnant ( a long story) so it is strange to now be on the other side.
I am very content with motherhood but I am a planner so I can't help but look ahead and wonder what will be...And what should I be doing now to make later happen.
I believe it is healthy to dream and ask yourself what is it that you love to do.
So I have been asking
What would make me bound of of bed to tackle?
What would I love to wake up and take another stab at the next day?
What would make me feel like I'm operating in my life purpose?
What are my gifts?
What are my pure motives for fulfilling my ministry?
And my selfish ones?
And what now??
I thank God He can use me with selfish motives aren't you? He can use us on either side of a lesson or even somewhere in the middle. My selfish motives don't override my pure ones, but if I'm honest with myself, I have to admit they are there. And being aware of them keeps them in check.
It is a very powerful question to ask yourself-go ahead try it!
It doesn't mean that that you won't ever start that business, go back to school, take that trip, gut a century home, be on stage, find love, have children, go on that mission- there is a time for those things and that time quite simply is not right now. We can't do it all without shortchanging something, or someone. I definitely don't want my family to feel like they have received my leftovers at the end of the day. Nor do I want to half ass something else I am passionate about.
I am not okay with doing everything but operating at 60%. I don't think God wants us to showcase the gifts He has blessed us with in that way.
SO I will dream.
I will open myself up to opportunities for growth.
I will pray for wisdom.
I will flirt with my passions.
I will continue to ask the tough questions.
And when my time comes , I will be ready.
What season are you in?? Are you embracing it?
" You probably can have it all, just not at the same time. And.. You might have to make certain compromises when your children are small. But your children are going to be small for a very short period of time" Anna Quindlen
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I Will Not Let Him Win!
I WILL NOT LET HIM WIN!
Accusation.It stops you in your tracks!Like a sharp knife being thrust into your stomach!That's how it feels!Yes.That's how it feels.The accuser. Satan's looking for that opportunity to...Attack. Defeat.Sidetrack...Accuse!That is exactly what he has been doing.I barely even recognized it for what it was until I found myself in a heap on the floor.
Almost defeated.Crying.Saying, "I quit".
I am not the one to lead a small group of women.I am not the one to hand out advice.
I am not the one.
I am not qualified.
I am a hypocrite.
I have not responded well to life's challenges lately.Withdraw into your home...into yourself
Quit.
I often feel guilty for FEELING.
For feeling sad about life's circumstances...when God is Sovereign.
For feeling angry at injustice...when God is in control.
For feeling lonely and longing for fellowship...when God has not provided it.
For feeling hesitant about the future...when I know that God has it all planned out.
For feeling overwhelmed and like I've had too much...when I know God says He won't give us more than we can handle.
For feeling, at times, like what I have is not enough...when God says He will withhold no good thing from me.
For feeling...Then comes guilt and accusations...While reviewing the book of Acts,and thinking about the disciples and what kind of men they were,some verses stood out to me.It was like they were placed on a billboard with neon lights!They said this:
Acts 4:8,13"Then Peter,filled with (and controlled by)the Holy Spirit...Now when they saw the boldnessand unfettered eloquenceof Peter and Johnand perceived that they wereUNLEARNED AND UNTRAINEDin the schools (common men with no education)they marveled;and theyRECOGNIZED THAT THEY HAD BEEN WITH JESUS."
The disciples were:Imperfect. Sinful.Simple. Untrained.
They doubted. They fought among themselves.They were prideful.One of them even denied Christ in His darkest hour!Was it right?No!But God used them anyway.He chose to fill them with His spirit and enabled them to speak with"boldness and unfettered eloquence"!He used them.As I wrestle with my feelings and then choose to offer them up to Him.
Repent...when necessary.Submit.YET...STILL FEEL
He chooses to fill me and use me.I am so grateful.What a mystery!
Accusation.It stops you in your tracks!Like a sharp knife being thrust into your stomach!That's how it feels!Yes.That's how it feels.The accuser. Satan's looking for that opportunity to...Attack. Defeat.Sidetrack...Accuse!That is exactly what he has been doing.I barely even recognized it for what it was until I found myself in a heap on the floor.
Almost defeated.Crying.Saying, "I quit".
I am not the one to lead a small group of women.I am not the one to hand out advice.
I am not the one.
I am not qualified.
I am a hypocrite.
I have not responded well to life's challenges lately.Withdraw into your home...into yourself
Quit.
I often feel guilty for FEELING.
For feeling sad about life's circumstances...when God is Sovereign.
For feeling angry at injustice...when God is in control.
For feeling lonely and longing for fellowship...when God has not provided it.
For feeling hesitant about the future...when I know that God has it all planned out.
For feeling overwhelmed and like I've had too much...when I know God says He won't give us more than we can handle.
For feeling, at times, like what I have is not enough...when God says He will withhold no good thing from me.
For feeling...Then comes guilt and accusations...While reviewing the book of Acts,and thinking about the disciples and what kind of men they were,some verses stood out to me.It was like they were placed on a billboard with neon lights!They said this:
Acts 4:8,13"Then Peter,filled with (and controlled by)the Holy Spirit...Now when they saw the boldnessand unfettered eloquenceof Peter and Johnand perceived that they wereUNLEARNED AND UNTRAINEDin the schools (common men with no education)they marveled;and theyRECOGNIZED THAT THEY HAD BEEN WITH JESUS."
The disciples were:Imperfect. Sinful.Simple. Untrained.
They doubted. They fought among themselves.They were prideful.One of them even denied Christ in His darkest hour!Was it right?No!But God used them anyway.He chose to fill them with His spirit and enabled them to speak with"boldness and unfettered eloquence"!He used them.As I wrestle with my feelings and then choose to offer them up to Him.
Repent...when necessary.Submit.YET...STILL FEEL
He chooses to fill me and use me.I am so grateful.What a mystery!
Take 4
So for some crazy reason we had Dr. Phil on in this house yesterday. This is not the norm for me but especially not Jay. I was in bedroom nursing and Jay was in the kitchen fixing something for Kai. I guess he turned on the TV in there and we both caught a snippet of the show.
Dr Phil was encouraging a couple to have a four minute rule in their house when they walk in the door. The rule is you keep the first four minute positive no matter what is eating at you. You say things like " hey good to see you, it's nice to be in the same room as you, You look great" etc. Then ask about their day and if their is something you need to discuss you can work on it together from a place of calmness and positivity.
So I thought to myself I am going to start doing that and see what happens. When Jay worked days I used to greet him with a drink and an embrace at the door ( pre-kids) but since he works nights he comes home at some point in the am between 9- noon. Pretty sad to say that sometimes I am so busy with the structure ( or lack of) of my day that I usually just call out to him a quick " Hey!" then get back to the laundry, the dirty diaper, the time out. And I am so guilty of dumping on him the minute he walks through the door. Funny those are the days I will greet him at the door to tell him his son wet the bed, his daughter was up all night with diarrhea, bills have come in, people have called, something needs fixed, and I have a million ideas I need to bounce off of him.
So Jay caught the same part of the show and came down the hall to tell me he would love that. That sometimes he is excited to come home and as soon as he walks through the door I am telling him how hectic the day is or I need to pick his brain. It can even be that I want to share some great news or relay an encouraging conversation. But regardless, he would love 4 minutes.
Seems reasonable.
Doable?
We'll see.
Dr Phil was encouraging a couple to have a four minute rule in their house when they walk in the door. The rule is you keep the first four minute positive no matter what is eating at you. You say things like " hey good to see you, it's nice to be in the same room as you, You look great" etc. Then ask about their day and if their is something you need to discuss you can work on it together from a place of calmness and positivity.
So I thought to myself I am going to start doing that and see what happens. When Jay worked days I used to greet him with a drink and an embrace at the door ( pre-kids) but since he works nights he comes home at some point in the am between 9- noon. Pretty sad to say that sometimes I am so busy with the structure ( or lack of) of my day that I usually just call out to him a quick " Hey!" then get back to the laundry, the dirty diaper, the time out. And I am so guilty of dumping on him the minute he walks through the door. Funny those are the days I will greet him at the door to tell him his son wet the bed, his daughter was up all night with diarrhea, bills have come in, people have called, something needs fixed, and I have a million ideas I need to bounce off of him.
So Jay caught the same part of the show and came down the hall to tell me he would love that. That sometimes he is excited to come home and as soon as he walks through the door I am telling him how hectic the day is or I need to pick his brain. It can even be that I want to share some great news or relay an encouraging conversation. But regardless, he would love 4 minutes.
Seems reasonable.
Doable?
We'll see.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Abide
So, God is teaching me much about abiding in this storm.
Everyday when Jay comes home I greet him at the door with questioning eyes -did you lose your job today?? Any news???
It is a helpless existence.
For many at Nortel they have a two income family and while a layoff would be painful it would not devastate them as it would us. When we decided that I would stay home from teaching after Kai was born it was a decision that we made as a family and I made peace with my new role as a full time mom. Now, with a job layoff looming I find myself wanting to do what I do best- step in make things happen, take care, fix things.
When Jay and I were dating I wanted desperately to marry him but we simply had no money. So, I worked 3 jobs at Nursing homes doing things that most would not believe I would do because I had a mission to be married to the love of my life and I was going to make it happen!
Those jobs payed for a car for Jay to drive to college, tuition for him, a ring that he purposed with, and a wedding pulled off in three months.
What you say? You payed for your own engagement ring? yeppers! And it didn't make the outcome any less special.
Many thought I was crazy or pitied me to have to take on so much but I would not change a thing. In those times I learned how to work hard, love deeply, and appreciate everything. I believed in Jay and didn't mind supporting his schooling while putting mine on hold.Our hard work paid off and after his graduation he landed a great job at Nortel and has been the sole support of this family. ( minus my few years of teaching)
So when the news came of Nortel going under I wanted to dive in and get a job or find Jay another job that was more stable. For a few weeks my mind was full of possibilities and my pen and paper were never far from my side. But interestingly enough all my ideas have had a dead end- Surely I could out think this storm, I thought to myself. But over and over again all my efforts have failed. I don't like the feeling of being helpless- none of us do.
What is the lesson in this for me God??
Then I got my answer- ABIDE.
Trust in Me, Trust in your husband, and don't do anything but abide in Me.
Those who know me well know that taking the back seat is hard for me.
But, I have been working on it and you know what?
It feels good to simply ABIDE.
Everyday when Jay comes home I greet him at the door with questioning eyes -did you lose your job today?? Any news???
It is a helpless existence.
For many at Nortel they have a two income family and while a layoff would be painful it would not devastate them as it would us. When we decided that I would stay home from teaching after Kai was born it was a decision that we made as a family and I made peace with my new role as a full time mom. Now, with a job layoff looming I find myself wanting to do what I do best- step in make things happen, take care, fix things.
When Jay and I were dating I wanted desperately to marry him but we simply had no money. So, I worked 3 jobs at Nursing homes doing things that most would not believe I would do because I had a mission to be married to the love of my life and I was going to make it happen!
Those jobs payed for a car for Jay to drive to college, tuition for him, a ring that he purposed with, and a wedding pulled off in three months.
What you say? You payed for your own engagement ring? yeppers! And it didn't make the outcome any less special.
Many thought I was crazy or pitied me to have to take on so much but I would not change a thing. In those times I learned how to work hard, love deeply, and appreciate everything. I believed in Jay and didn't mind supporting his schooling while putting mine on hold.Our hard work paid off and after his graduation he landed a great job at Nortel and has been the sole support of this family. ( minus my few years of teaching)
So when the news came of Nortel going under I wanted to dive in and get a job or find Jay another job that was more stable. For a few weeks my mind was full of possibilities and my pen and paper were never far from my side. But interestingly enough all my ideas have had a dead end- Surely I could out think this storm, I thought to myself. But over and over again all my efforts have failed. I don't like the feeling of being helpless- none of us do.
What is the lesson in this for me God??
Then I got my answer- ABIDE.
Trust in Me, Trust in your husband, and don't do anything but abide in Me.
Those who know me well know that taking the back seat is hard for me.
But, I have been working on it and you know what?
It feels good to simply ABIDE.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I'm Going To Be The Best Me I can Possibly Be
I can remember the first time the concept of being authentic pierced my heart.I was 14 and at a Youth For Christ meeting when our director was sharing from his heart about his goal to be authentic. I, in my teenage maturity decided to test him on it and called out " So then what are you most ashamed of in your life?" ( reflecting back now, this might be a time I add to my own list.) Instantly there were gasps and darting glances from the other kids. Everyone sat in disbelief that I asked it and yet eyes glued on him to see how he would respond. Without missing a beat, he simply replied " I am ashamed that I don't give more of my time to my wife and children."
And in that moment I understood what it meant to authentic. That moment in history would forever be in my heart. That is the day my pursuit of authenticity began.
According to Webster's Dictionary to be Authentic is be "not imaginary, false or imitation."
Hmm, In this society all we are fed is imaginary images of how we should look and be. We strive to imitate those around us. If only I could be as beautiful as Angelina Jolie, smart as Oprah, funny as Ellen, spiritual as Beth Moore! Will I ever entertain like Martha Stewart, be as good a mother as.., be as good a wife as.., be as accomplished as..???
And when we don't measure up- we fake it! We fake it to others and for ourselves. Sad.
So now there are women running around trying to be perfect versions of the next. God must look down and shake His head. We know better! He knit us together in our mother's womb and I think we can agree that God did not drop a stitch when creating us. He personally gifted us, and yet we try to obtain gifts of those we admire instead of making our gifts admirable.
And you know what? I'm horrible at imitations- but I do a pretty good Me.
" Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." - Judy Garland
And in that moment I understood what it meant to authentic. That moment in history would forever be in my heart. That is the day my pursuit of authenticity began.
According to Webster's Dictionary to be Authentic is be "not imaginary, false or imitation."
Hmm, In this society all we are fed is imaginary images of how we should look and be. We strive to imitate those around us. If only I could be as beautiful as Angelina Jolie, smart as Oprah, funny as Ellen, spiritual as Beth Moore! Will I ever entertain like Martha Stewart, be as good a mother as.., be as good a wife as.., be as accomplished as..???
And when we don't measure up- we fake it! We fake it to others and for ourselves. Sad.
So now there are women running around trying to be perfect versions of the next. God must look down and shake His head. We know better! He knit us together in our mother's womb and I think we can agree that God did not drop a stitch when creating us. He personally gifted us, and yet we try to obtain gifts of those we admire instead of making our gifts admirable.
And you know what? I'm horrible at imitations- but I do a pretty good Me.
" Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." - Judy Garland
Becoming Real
" Generally by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get looses in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
Margery Williams-The Velveteen Rabbit
Authenticity sometimes is painful. Losing our beautiful coat or having our stuffing exposed is not only unattractive but leaves us vulnerable. In honesty, the thought both ignites me and terrifies me. Not just to be exposed to the world but also to myself. When is the last time I took a deep look underneath the surface? What if I don't like what I find there?
So I find myself desiring to become real without any inconvenience, pain, or embarrassment.
I want wisdom without having to learn the lesson.I want depth on the canvas without actually having to endure the dark times.
Isn't that just like me.
Today take one step towards your journey to being truly authentic. Caution: This may scare the pants off of you and those around you!
How about you? Is it your longing to be Real??
Margery Williams-The Velveteen Rabbit
Authenticity sometimes is painful. Losing our beautiful coat or having our stuffing exposed is not only unattractive but leaves us vulnerable. In honesty, the thought both ignites me and terrifies me. Not just to be exposed to the world but also to myself. When is the last time I took a deep look underneath the surface? What if I don't like what I find there?
So I find myself desiring to become real without any inconvenience, pain, or embarrassment.
I want wisdom without having to learn the lesson.I want depth on the canvas without actually having to endure the dark times.
Isn't that just like me.
Today take one step towards your journey to being truly authentic. Caution: This may scare the pants off of you and those around you!
How about you? Is it your longing to be Real??
Prayer-2
After praying generally for the week I took some time to reflect on how I was feeling. Basically, I felt unplugged from God. My prayers were less passionate, less faithful, and less powerful. I wondered how I was to give God the praise for answered prayer when direct requests were not made.It was a week of soggy cereal. I was not excited about a possible miracle, because asking God to just help us through or for comfort, is almost insulting. God is always there to comfort if we open ourselves up to it. God is always there to grant wisdom if we seek His heart.I needed more answers. I needed to know if direct prayer makes a difference. Can we change God's mind or is whatever will be (His Plan) will be??? I pondered, I prayed, I studied.
I looked at the verses in the Bible where Jesus and the disciples prayed.And I noticed something. It rarely was ever a if it is Your will... prayer.In fact, their prayers were bold. " Get up!" " Be healed!" " Come out!"They never questioned the will of God, instead, they believed they knew it and with authority they prayed. The if it be your will prayers were in times of relinquishment to God's will. Like Jesus in the Garden " Not my will but Thine"But can we change God's mind? If he already planned to do something will our heart cries intervene?As I parent I know my children can change my mind with their desperate pleas- what about My Heavenly Father?I looked to Exodus 32 When Moses was on the mountain talking with God and his people started to make a golden calf to worship God said in verse 10 " Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them."But Moses sought the Lord and begged that He would turn from His anger; relent and do not bring disaster on his people.This is the verse that excited me- verse 14 " Then the Lord relented and did not bring on His people the disaster He had planned."
Wait a minute!! Did God just change His mind???I went on to find more examples of God changing his mind. Like in Jonah 3 When God sent Jonah to Nineveh to preach. He proclaimed " Forty more days and Nineveh will be overturned."They believed Jonah and turned from their ways urgently calling out to God praying for compassion.
Don't miss this-verse 10 " When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened."Conclusion: God does change his mind!But yikes! With that liberation comes great responsibility. Our prayers are to be powerful not mousy. We are working with God. We can even change history!Now that is motivating! Motivating to not only prayer differently but also to dive deeper and master the craft of prayer- I have much to learn.
I am now reading some insightful books on prayer and will be sure to journal new revelations.
Lest I forget.
I looked at the verses in the Bible where Jesus and the disciples prayed.And I noticed something. It rarely was ever a if it is Your will... prayer.In fact, their prayers were bold. " Get up!" " Be healed!" " Come out!"They never questioned the will of God, instead, they believed they knew it and with authority they prayed. The if it be your will prayers were in times of relinquishment to God's will. Like Jesus in the Garden " Not my will but Thine"But can we change God's mind? If he already planned to do something will our heart cries intervene?As I parent I know my children can change my mind with their desperate pleas- what about My Heavenly Father?I looked to Exodus 32 When Moses was on the mountain talking with God and his people started to make a golden calf to worship God said in verse 10 " Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them."But Moses sought the Lord and begged that He would turn from His anger; relent and do not bring disaster on his people.This is the verse that excited me- verse 14 " Then the Lord relented and did not bring on His people the disaster He had planned."
Wait a minute!! Did God just change His mind???I went on to find more examples of God changing his mind. Like in Jonah 3 When God sent Jonah to Nineveh to preach. He proclaimed " Forty more days and Nineveh will be overturned."They believed Jonah and turned from their ways urgently calling out to God praying for compassion.
Don't miss this-verse 10 " When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened."Conclusion: God does change his mind!But yikes! With that liberation comes great responsibility. Our prayers are to be powerful not mousy. We are working with God. We can even change history!Now that is motivating! Motivating to not only prayer differently but also to dive deeper and master the craft of prayer- I have much to learn.
I am now reading some insightful books on prayer and will be sure to journal new revelations.
Lest I forget.
Prayer-1
I have been struggling lately with prayer. It started one night when Cliodhna was sick and I had Kai pray for her at bedtime. He prayed "Dear God, Please make my baby sister all better, Amen." He then opened his eyes and asked me if she was better. I found myself stumbling over the words to explain that just because you pray it won't always happen right then, or ever sometimes.Ouch! If you could have seen his disappointed little face your heart would have been as heavy as mine was going to bed that night. I wondered, should I as a parent be teaching him to pray such specific prayers? Or should we change our prayers to " Comfort us when we go through this storm, Help us accept Your will.."I realised I was not sure how much God intervenes in our messes. I know that He has carried me through many a heartache and has made good things come out of those times by building character in me- that I know. But can it be, I have been praying wrong? Can it be that I'm 32 and need to rewire my whole prayer life? I knew I better come to a conclusion so I could teach Kai the right way to pray.I love that Kai has such faith, I remember being like that when I was young but then... well, then life happened and the times I prayed only to open my eyes and still be in the rain calloused my heart a bit. I rationalized it away by saying basically that in this life shit happens and God helps us through it. I struggle with my health because shit happens, Nortel is going Bankrupt because shit happens, people die because shit happens! Will God strengthen us in those times- absolutely! But He allows it to happen for our good. So, after talking with my friends and family and thinking it through I decided I was going to start praying more generally. This way is safer, smarter, sensible. So I tried it for a week...and I came to some amazing conclusions that I don't want to forget.
To be continued.
To be continued.
I Forget
I forget.There are lessons I have learned, prayers that have been answered, forgiveness that has been granted, mercy that has been poured out, scars that have been healed, and glimpses of You, God, that in this life I have experienced; and yet, I forget.Time after time I promise You I will not let the fire burn out. I promise I won't let my focus be clouded. I promise that I will always remember the moment, but then I let the every day sweep me away to a place of going through the motions-and I forget.If I were You I would be so sick of my promises. I would roll my eyes and tune me out. I would write me off as an unteachable student.But I'm not You. You believe in me. You don't tell me to pull myself together when I'm down, You don't scold me, You just hold me and wait. Wait for me to collapse into You. Wait for me to realize that You haven't stepped back from me, that You are still holding me. You are desperate to help me remember what ground we have already covered together.I know You are proud of me. Like a father who carries his child's picture in his wallet You look beyond my shortcomings, see my potential, and say "That's my girl! "You patiently wait for the tide to come back in and when it does You whisper in my ear how much You have missed me.So in my attempt to remember, I am hoping by writing this blog that it will keep things fresh in my mind and the next time I am tempted to wander off...
I won't forget.
I won't forget.
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