Correction
Today Kai needed a correction for something that he has been talked to about many, many times.
That is not blog worthy.
What is however, was his reaction to the correction.
With tears in his eyes he said " Mom thank you for giving me a correction to help me become a better boy."
I was stunned.
Can it be that he really grasps that?
I know I still have a hard time thanking God for any correction placed on me at 32!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Imposter
My house has all the normal things, living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, office. There's nothing fancy, no extreme bells and whistles. There's four people who live here and often times there is my Impostor walking right next to me.She will follow me from room to room doing many a mischievous thing: a critique, a nag, a reminder of what I don't have or what I think I need, a jab, an applause, a telling of an old story of what I used to do. She's not my friend. She's my Impostor, but I live with her and she with me.
We cannot be separated...or can we?
I wonder, do you ever struggle with the voice of yourself? Do you ever find that you want more than you have? Do you ever struggle with wondering why you're not noticed? Do you find that you crave the applause of those around you even if it's just a small golf clap? Do you struggle with feeling significant? Beautiful? Pleasing? Pure?I do. I have.And so, what do we do with all these things? Are they supposed to be of people who claim to follow Christ? On the one hand, I am to be pure and humble, self-sacrificing and meek, and yet I want to scream "NOTICE ME!", but not too loudly because we don't want to be First when the First with be Last.Aren't we to be holy as God is holy? What happens if I think really poorly of someone or consider that that other man might be better than mine? What if I really like her house or her figure?
Bad me.
Bad, bad me.
I'm a Christ follower! I'm not supposed to think all this! Feel all this! Shame. Shame on me.And so the chastisement goes. Your thoughts might be different. Your chastisement of who you should be might be a whole other set of lines. What are they? Can you identify them? Do you even know you're doing it?How do you live with the other "Me" in your life? Do we all struggle with "But I died in Christ...why do I still feel like this?"
If so, then I have someone I'd like you to meet. She's my Impostor, she...is me.Like it or not (and we clearly don't like it) we are who we so hate being. Our Impostor IS us. My Impostor IS me, but we have
...taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator...Christ is all and is in all.
Col. 2:9, 10It's time to do something about, and with, and for our Impostor. The enemy has lied to us long enough that we are either not worthy of the blood and forgiveness, or we would be desperately better off with the ways of the world.
It's time to get REAL.
R-Recognize that you have "Me" to live with. Just be strong enough to say, Yes, this is me.
E- Examine what things, ways, attitude and lies are set up against the Truth.
A- Accept that, yes, this is me. This, Lord, is me.
L- Love yourself enough and trust Christ enough to be transformed. He did not free us so that we would walk ourselves into more bondage.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
Man, this is hard for me. I have such an appetite for applause and such a fear of being over-looked that I forget that my full identity, peace, and satisfaction is found in Christ! He set me free from what would hold me captive to this world and I chose to burden myself with it!
Oh, people, we have got to get REAL.
If we aren't, then we are fooling only ourselves.
He knows the struggles.
He knows the lies.
He sees the hypocrisy.
He hears the foolishness.
He feels the pain.
He understands the doubt.
But, He cannot transform what we do not bring to His feet. He cannot heal what we do not let Him touch. He cannot free us from what we hold so dear. Think about what is in the deepest places of who you are and then...tell Him. Get real with Him. Lay it all out there. He is your best friend, your greatest lover, your biggest fan, your softest teacher, your Most Honorable King. Tell Him. He is not surprised and welcomes your honesty.Whatever is denied cannot be healed. Do not deny yourself the opportunity of complete healing, freedom and finding the Real You. Watch as your Impostor bows to the King and His authority.Watch as You find yourself in Him and He in You.
A post that I wanted to share from a friend.
We cannot be separated...or can we?
I wonder, do you ever struggle with the voice of yourself? Do you ever find that you want more than you have? Do you ever struggle with wondering why you're not noticed? Do you find that you crave the applause of those around you even if it's just a small golf clap? Do you struggle with feeling significant? Beautiful? Pleasing? Pure?I do. I have.And so, what do we do with all these things? Are they supposed to be of people who claim to follow Christ? On the one hand, I am to be pure and humble, self-sacrificing and meek, and yet I want to scream "NOTICE ME!", but not too loudly because we don't want to be First when the First with be Last.Aren't we to be holy as God is holy? What happens if I think really poorly of someone or consider that that other man might be better than mine? What if I really like her house or her figure?
Bad me.
Bad, bad me.
I'm a Christ follower! I'm not supposed to think all this! Feel all this! Shame. Shame on me.And so the chastisement goes. Your thoughts might be different. Your chastisement of who you should be might be a whole other set of lines. What are they? Can you identify them? Do you even know you're doing it?How do you live with the other "Me" in your life? Do we all struggle with "But I died in Christ...why do I still feel like this?"
If so, then I have someone I'd like you to meet. She's my Impostor, she...is me.Like it or not (and we clearly don't like it) we are who we so hate being. Our Impostor IS us. My Impostor IS me, but we have
...taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator...Christ is all and is in all.
Col. 2:9, 10It's time to do something about, and with, and for our Impostor. The enemy has lied to us long enough that we are either not worthy of the blood and forgiveness, or we would be desperately better off with the ways of the world.
It's time to get REAL.
R-Recognize that you have "Me" to live with. Just be strong enough to say, Yes, this is me.
E- Examine what things, ways, attitude and lies are set up against the Truth.
A- Accept that, yes, this is me. This, Lord, is me.
L- Love yourself enough and trust Christ enough to be transformed. He did not free us so that we would walk ourselves into more bondage.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
Man, this is hard for me. I have such an appetite for applause and such a fear of being over-looked that I forget that my full identity, peace, and satisfaction is found in Christ! He set me free from what would hold me captive to this world and I chose to burden myself with it!
Oh, people, we have got to get REAL.
If we aren't, then we are fooling only ourselves.
He knows the struggles.
He knows the lies.
He sees the hypocrisy.
He hears the foolishness.
He feels the pain.
He understands the doubt.
But, He cannot transform what we do not bring to His feet. He cannot heal what we do not let Him touch. He cannot free us from what we hold so dear. Think about what is in the deepest places of who you are and then...tell Him. Get real with Him. Lay it all out there. He is your best friend, your greatest lover, your biggest fan, your softest teacher, your Most Honorable King. Tell Him. He is not surprised and welcomes your honesty.Whatever is denied cannot be healed. Do not deny yourself the opportunity of complete healing, freedom and finding the Real You. Watch as your Impostor bows to the King and His authority.Watch as You find yourself in Him and He in You.
A post that I wanted to share from a friend.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
1+1=...
5,000 job cuts announced for Nortel.
Belleville has 300 employees.
Shipping was told to order 300 boxes today.
You get two hours to clean out your desk with a box.
I was never great at math but 300-300=0 right??
I'm guessing that the Belleville plant will be shut down.
So, With all that knews today I am trying to pray and not worry.
There isn't much point in praying only to open my eyes and pick up from where I left off worrying.
Belleville has 300 employees.
Shipping was told to order 300 boxes today.
You get two hours to clean out your desk with a box.
I was never great at math but 300-300=0 right??
I'm guessing that the Belleville plant will be shut down.
So, With all that knews today I am trying to pray and not worry.
There isn't much point in praying only to open my eyes and pick up from where I left off worrying.
Friday, February 20, 2009
A Strong Woman
A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ...but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...
A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...
A strong woman walks sure footedly ...but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...but a woman of strength wears grace...
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...
A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...
A strong woman walks sure footedly ...but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...but a woman of strength wears grace...
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
The Girl In The Mirror
I saw something in the mirror the other day and I didn't like it. It wasn't something I could slap cover-up on so I wouldn't have to see it. There is no cream, diet, or trip to the Spa fix for it. And unfortunately, there was no option of avoiding the mirror or getting dressed in the dark. That is because I was not the one holding a mirror to my face it was my husband. And, it was not an actual mirror but instead the girl I see in his eyes. Most days she is more beautiful than I can see with my own eyes, but sometimes...
When you say your " I Do's" people fail to mention that you now have someone to reflect back to you your authentic self. When you are single you have an idea of who you are, and are aware of your imperfections but know how to keep from having light shed on them.
" I now pronounce you man and wife"
Instantly you are blasted with those florescent lights they use in change rooms and you are naked and exposed in a full length mirror-gulp.
For years now whenever Jay and I have had a disagreement I have marveled at how fast he gets ferociously defensive. I shrugged it off as an insecurity from his past and made a mental note to put that item on the life changing prayers for my husband list ( come on you know the list!)
Then one day God stopped me in my tracks and said " Why does he feel the need to get so defensive Karen?? When do people do that?"
Hmm.
Me: When they are wrong??
God: No.
Me: When they are projecting past hurts on to others?
God: Keep trying,
Me: (sheepishly)-When they are feeling attacked Lord?
God: Bingo!
Me: But I'm not attacking him- I didn't even say anything.
God: How did you look at him?
Me: ( shrug) I dunno.
God: Look into his eyes and see your reflection-that is how you looked at him, that is how you made him feel. You can not argue his feelings. Look at your reflection in his eyes-look deeper.Look at our reflection Karen. I am in you. Is this the reflection of me?
Now I'm defensive.
I am not a controlling bitch! and I resent seeing that in his eyes. How dare he call me that with those peepers!
God: He is not calling you that-he never would. But he does feel attacked.
Time lapses.
Conviction sets in.
Reluctantly, I look.
I will tell you that looking is never easy. It is much easier to see what we want to see, or throw that compact out and get a new mirror ( A problem in our society and our marriages) We have bought the lie that marriage should always feel good and when it doesn't anymore we move on. Often marriage partners are not willing to be vulnerable with each other or put the work into the marriage and themselves to grow and thrive.
Yes looking can be painful. And willingness to change can be sacrificial.
I have also learned that some personalities are more willing to go excavating than others. For some the dig is too much work, too serious, and not at all fun. For others the dig is giving up control, And still others it is too depressing or scary what they may find.
For me, I am turned off by the amount of effort it will take to tackle the weeds. Uncomfortable with them being exposed and disgusted with what I find.
I need to be careful not to camp out too long on any of those stepping stones.
I need to not let myself feel defeated. Unworthy.
Instead I need to walk in the robes of righteousness that Jesus clothed me in (if not, what would be the point of his sacrifice) and get busy working with God to cultivate fruit in my life.
What about your personality? IS there something that may stop you from this journey down under?
Pray that God will give you what you need to not get stuck once you have tunneled down.
Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; 24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way."
Lord thank you for the gift of my Husband and my children who constantly reflect back to me what comes from within. Help me to always be willing to look, examine, and change. Help me to reflect you. I desperately want to see You in their eyes.
Shed light on me-even when it hurts.
Thank you for being patient with me when I try to hide.
Listening to me when I am finally willing to talk about my hiding games ( as though You didn't already know)
Thank You for the mirror Your word is to me-thank You for telling me when I have food in my teeth or dirt on my face.
Give me courage to dig deep
Strength to pull the weeds
Patience to grow.
Do in me what I cannot do on my own.
Amen.
When you say your " I Do's" people fail to mention that you now have someone to reflect back to you your authentic self. When you are single you have an idea of who you are, and are aware of your imperfections but know how to keep from having light shed on them.
" I now pronounce you man and wife"
Instantly you are blasted with those florescent lights they use in change rooms and you are naked and exposed in a full length mirror-gulp.
For years now whenever Jay and I have had a disagreement I have marveled at how fast he gets ferociously defensive. I shrugged it off as an insecurity from his past and made a mental note to put that item on the life changing prayers for my husband list ( come on you know the list!)
Then one day God stopped me in my tracks and said " Why does he feel the need to get so defensive Karen?? When do people do that?"
Hmm.
Me: When they are wrong??
God: No.
Me: When they are projecting past hurts on to others?
God: Keep trying,
Me: (sheepishly)-When they are feeling attacked Lord?
God: Bingo!
Me: But I'm not attacking him- I didn't even say anything.
God: How did you look at him?
Me: ( shrug) I dunno.
God: Look into his eyes and see your reflection-that is how you looked at him, that is how you made him feel. You can not argue his feelings. Look at your reflection in his eyes-look deeper.Look at our reflection Karen. I am in you. Is this the reflection of me?
Now I'm defensive.
I am not a controlling bitch! and I resent seeing that in his eyes. How dare he call me that with those peepers!
God: He is not calling you that-he never would. But he does feel attacked.
Time lapses.
Conviction sets in.
Reluctantly, I look.
I will tell you that looking is never easy. It is much easier to see what we want to see, or throw that compact out and get a new mirror ( A problem in our society and our marriages) We have bought the lie that marriage should always feel good and when it doesn't anymore we move on. Often marriage partners are not willing to be vulnerable with each other or put the work into the marriage and themselves to grow and thrive.
Yes looking can be painful. And willingness to change can be sacrificial.
I have also learned that some personalities are more willing to go excavating than others. For some the dig is too much work, too serious, and not at all fun. For others the dig is giving up control, And still others it is too depressing or scary what they may find.
For me, I am turned off by the amount of effort it will take to tackle the weeds. Uncomfortable with them being exposed and disgusted with what I find.
I need to be careful not to camp out too long on any of those stepping stones.
I need to not let myself feel defeated. Unworthy.
Instead I need to walk in the robes of righteousness that Jesus clothed me in (if not, what would be the point of his sacrifice) and get busy working with God to cultivate fruit in my life.
What about your personality? IS there something that may stop you from this journey down under?
Pray that God will give you what you need to not get stuck once you have tunneled down.
Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; 24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way."
Lord thank you for the gift of my Husband and my children who constantly reflect back to me what comes from within. Help me to always be willing to look, examine, and change. Help me to reflect you. I desperately want to see You in their eyes.
Shed light on me-even when it hurts.
Thank you for being patient with me when I try to hide.
Listening to me when I am finally willing to talk about my hiding games ( as though You didn't already know)
Thank You for the mirror Your word is to me-thank You for telling me when I have food in my teeth or dirt on my face.
Give me courage to dig deep
Strength to pull the weeds
Patience to grow.
Do in me what I cannot do on my own.
Amen.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
For My Friend
Lord, give me the words she needs to hear. The ones that we both know I don't have on my own.
Lord, make my heart tender to her pain even though I can't relate.
Lord, how long must this go on?
Lord, I'm tired of having to comfort her instead of rejoice with her. Not because I mind giving encouragement but because Lord, she needs something to rejoice about.
Lord, Why?
Lord, She needs more- I'm believing in You for more.
Lord, She deserves so much. She gives so much.
Lord bless her- give her the desires of her heart. She needs a gift from you father, a sign that you adore her.
This is my prayer for my friend.
Lord, make my heart tender to her pain even though I can't relate.
Lord, how long must this go on?
Lord, I'm tired of having to comfort her instead of rejoice with her. Not because I mind giving encouragement but because Lord, she needs something to rejoice about.
Lord, Why?
Lord, She needs more- I'm believing in You for more.
Lord, She deserves so much. She gives so much.
Lord bless her- give her the desires of her heart. She needs a gift from you father, a sign that you adore her.
This is my prayer for my friend.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
A Time For Everything
Ecclesiastes 3:1 " There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."
I have been dreaming a lot lately about what I want to do or should I say, what I am suppose to do with my life. This comes on the tail of fulfilling my dream of becoming a parent to two wonderful children. It is funny when you have achieved a goal you have been working/obsessing about for years and then have to ask yourself " So what next?" I had tunnel vision when trying to get pregnant ( a long story) so it is strange to now be on the other side.
I am very content with motherhood but I am a planner so I can't help but look ahead and wonder what will be...And what should I be doing now to make later happen.
I believe it is healthy to dream and ask yourself what is it that you love to do.
So I have been asking
What would make me bound of of bed to tackle?
What would I love to wake up and take another stab at the next day?
What would make me feel like I'm operating in my life purpose?
What are my gifts?
What are my pure motives for fulfilling my ministry?
And my selfish ones?
And what now??
It doesn't mean that that you won't ever start that business, go back to school, take that trip, gut a century home, be on stage, find love, have children, go on that mission- there is a time for those things and that time quite simply is not right now. We can't do it all without shortchanging something, or someone. I definitely don't want my family to feel like they have received my leftovers at the end of the day. Nor do I want to half ass something else I am passionate about.
I am not okay with doing everything but operating at 60%. I don't think God wants us to showcase the gifts He has blessed us with in that way.
SO I will dream.
I will open myself up to opportunities for growth.
I will pray for wisdom.
I will flirt with my passions.
I will continue to ask the tough questions.
And when my time comes , I will be ready.
What season are you in?? Are you embracing it?
" You probably can have it all, just not at the same time. And.. You might have to make certain compromises when your children are small. But your children are going to be small for a very short period of time" Anna Quindlen
I have been dreaming a lot lately about what I want to do or should I say, what I am suppose to do with my life. This comes on the tail of fulfilling my dream of becoming a parent to two wonderful children. It is funny when you have achieved a goal you have been working/obsessing about for years and then have to ask yourself " So what next?" I had tunnel vision when trying to get pregnant ( a long story) so it is strange to now be on the other side.
I am very content with motherhood but I am a planner so I can't help but look ahead and wonder what will be...And what should I be doing now to make later happen.
I believe it is healthy to dream and ask yourself what is it that you love to do.
So I have been asking
What would make me bound of of bed to tackle?
What would I love to wake up and take another stab at the next day?
What would make me feel like I'm operating in my life purpose?
What are my gifts?
What are my pure motives for fulfilling my ministry?
And my selfish ones?
And what now??
I thank God He can use me with selfish motives aren't you? He can use us on either side of a lesson or even somewhere in the middle. My selfish motives don't override my pure ones, but if I'm honest with myself, I have to admit they are there. And being aware of them keeps them in check.
It is a very powerful question to ask yourself-go ahead try it!
It doesn't mean that that you won't ever start that business, go back to school, take that trip, gut a century home, be on stage, find love, have children, go on that mission- there is a time for those things and that time quite simply is not right now. We can't do it all without shortchanging something, or someone. I definitely don't want my family to feel like they have received my leftovers at the end of the day. Nor do I want to half ass something else I am passionate about.
I am not okay with doing everything but operating at 60%. I don't think God wants us to showcase the gifts He has blessed us with in that way.
SO I will dream.
I will open myself up to opportunities for growth.
I will pray for wisdom.
I will flirt with my passions.
I will continue to ask the tough questions.
And when my time comes , I will be ready.
What season are you in?? Are you embracing it?
" You probably can have it all, just not at the same time. And.. You might have to make certain compromises when your children are small. But your children are going to be small for a very short period of time" Anna Quindlen
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